Before The Beginning
by NinaZ
Summary: Prepilot...Dean's thoughts on Sam before getting him at Stanford. Pt 2, Sam's thoughts before Dean comes to Stanford.
1. Driving

One of my first stories...tell me what you think!

I've yet to see any fics showing Dean's pov before getting Sam at school. I thought it would be pretty, um, insightful to see, though.

Please read and review!

* * *

Before The Beginning

Chapter 1: Driving

The low grind of the Impala shook Dean's feet as he turned the engine of his '67 Impala. ACDC immediately started blaring on the stereo. Dean tapped his foot in tune with the guitar riffs, as if to distract him from the task at hand.

"Here you go, Mr. Timbers." The gas attendant gave Dean back his fake credit card. Hunting hardly paid off financially.

"Thanks." Dean took the card and stashed it in the glove compartment, shutting it quickly to hide the dozens of fake ID's from the attendant, "Can you tell me how to get to Stanford University?" He couldn't believe the words rolling off his tongue.

"Take a left at the third light from here." The attendant told him with such confidence that Dean got the impression he went to Stanford himself.

_Do you know him, then?_

Dean shook the thought out and thanked him, and then drove off into the dark.

_What the hell am I doing? _He thought to himself, as he sped past the first light. _I could do this thing on my own. It's not like I need _his _help. He walked out on us, obviously. Is he gonna wanna help?_

He lowered the volume of the stereo as he passed by a local bar. Some people, maybe students, were coming out all dressed up. It was Halloween, a day Dean often purposely looked over. Halloween, filled with demons and ghosts, was his everyday. He couldn't put it aside especially in his mind, not since he was 4 and his mom had taken him trick or treating. He had been a firefighter.

The clock said 2 am, but it didn't feel like it, probably because Dean hadn't been getting much sleep lately on account of a haunting message from his father.

At the next stoplight, the thought of re-listening to the tape waved over Dean. Almost subconsciously, Dean pulled the tape player from under the passenger seat. He dazedly pressed "play."

Static ensued for a second, and then his father's voice, barely audible.

"Dean, something is starting to happen, I think it's serious. I need to try to figure out what's going on." Static silence for about 2 seconds and then, "Be very careful Dean, we're all in danger."

By "we", Dean often assumed it had just been the oldest Winchester and his father. About a day ago, when he had played back the message in his usual sleep deprived manner, a new theory dawned on him. He needed Sam, his younger brother, the one who went to college and was interpreted as the one who "left the family." How strange was it that he would soon be joining Dean or, at least, Dean hoped.

The ACDC tape finished abruptly and silence cloaked the lone driver. He didn't bother popping in another tape. He needed to face his thoughts.

_You can turn back right now. Forget about him…you can do this on your own._ A part of Dean pointed out._ Would Dad want this? _

_But you don't want to do this on your own, idiot. _Something else beckoned. _You need help, can't you see? _

Dean silenced his mind, and the easy creaking of the wheels braking made his mind start again.

_Well, you're here. You made it. Now go ask him. _Dean mulled over this notion. _He needs it more than you do. _

Did he? Did Sam need to come back to this family? As far as Dean was concerned, Sam had left through his own will. John Winchester, hardly the one to disregard loyalty, told him to never come back. That was the only command from his father Sam had taken and followed whole-heartedly.

Dean (the one who often reflected his mother), however, was the one who wanted to keep the family together, although it was often masked by bravado and a morbid sense of humour. You had to develop humour to be on this job, anyway.

His knuckles white on the steering wheel, silence louder than ever, and his eyes closed (unable to stand the sign that said it was Sam's campus), Dean started to cry. Emotions were useless in his line of work so he got rid of them long before, but they were all coming back to bite him in the ass right at this moment.

He let two tears drip from either eyelid, forming drops on his lashes, and then wiped his eyes on the sleeve of his leather jacket.

Dean was both depressed and excited to be here. He didn't want to stand facing his little brother, having to make small talk, something he was never fine with. He wanted it to be back to normal, back to making crude jokes and calling each other "jerk" and "bitch." He wanted them to be brothers again, and not just in the sense of DNA.

Something inside Dean twitched and he suddenly remembered how angry he had been when Sam left to go become "Joe College", even pangs of jealousy had lingered for a while.

Jealousy, but for what? For having the courage to take a try at the SATs and apply to a school, at having the guts to piss of their father (something Dean had always been too afraid to do), or the fact that John Winchester had actually paid attention to Sam? That John Winchester's face glowed with pride after Sam left to get an education because, in all honesty, he wanted his son to be formally educated? That Dean never once saw that look cross John Winchester's face when he talked about his first-born?

Still, something kept hanging onto the hope that he and Sam could be brothers again. They'd be able to joke and kid and fight and argue and even bash each other for which girls they decided to hit on. They would forget the years they lost together (4, in fact) of brotherly love. They would be in sync again and be one hell of a pair of hunters.

He would strive for that more than he ever strived for anything.

Before Dean let another string of thoughts break free from his mind, his mouth dried. _God, _He thought inwardly, _I could really use a beer._

Killing the engine, Dean left the Impala. He stashed his keys in his jacket pocket, found good footing on one of the lower windowsills and proceeded to break into his little brother's apartment.


	2. The Party: Pre and Post

This is part 2...I didn't think of surpassing Dean's pov on the prepilot..until this popped into my head. It's not as angsty as Dean's but, believe me, I tried.

Please read and review!

* * *

Chapter 2: The Party, Pre and Post

Sam wasn't the type to go to any Halloween party (or even celebrate the Pagan holiday) , especially since that fateful night when he was three and a half and his dad told him what was _really _in the closet on dark, stormy nights. Oh, and those noises weren't just "noises".

Despite all those days of chasing down ghosts, spreading salt in circles around him, and doing the occasional exorcism (all before he turned 15), here he was. Standing in a doorway, staring at his girlfriend dressed up like a nurse, and trying to get a decent hold on his environment.

He knew he had an essay on _habius corpus _and its role in modern divorce courts, but that didn't seem to register in his mind at the moment. He wouldn't forget right away that he had an interview for the Stanford Law School on Monday but for some reason, he had a feeling that wouldn't be so important in the next twenty-four hours.

On this night, he would usually ditch the annual Halloween party, but this year Jess was charismatic enough to convince him to come.

"Sam! Get a move on, would you? We were supposed to be there like 15 minutes ago." Jess paused and looked at Sam through the doorway, "Sam! You comin' or what?"

Sam stuck his head out the door and tried one last feeble attempt to get out, the notorious, "Do I have to?"

"Yes. It'll be fun." She promised, with her playful smile, "And where's your costume?" She put on a mock pout, and pretended to be upset, even though he had told her the answer to that a million times before.

Sam scoffed, he didn't want to get into details right now, "You know how I feel about Halloween."

"Just come on." Jess opened the door and left, Sam following closely behind with a trace of smugness on his face.

They entered the crowded bar, Sam with his hands in his jacket pockets (looking moody as usual) and Jess putting on her smile and going to get a beer.

She put a hand on his arm and gave him a kiss on the cheek, "You okay?"

He didn't answer, but kissed her back.

"My, my." Jess laughed, and looked at him with a worried look, "You know, we can just go back home if you want. Order Chinese, watch all the 'Friday the 13th's' non-stop."

"No, it's okay." Sam told her, even though he could really use that- minus Jason, "You wanna have fun, don't you?"

Jess nodded.

"I'll find us a table, meet up with some friends."

"I've got the beer!" Jess said, elated. She dove into the crowd to get to the bar.

Sam crossed the room to a table on one of the less-rowdier sections of the bar. His friend Matt was there, holding a shot glass and doing a shoddy impression of his anthropology professor.

"That was a pretty good Harolds." Sam laughed.

Matt turned around and took a seat at Sam's table, "Whatcha been up to, Winchester?"

"Nothing."

"Well, Jess must've put something in your drink- you're usually locked up in the library during parties." Matt let out a short laugh, and tipped his shot glass into his mouth.

Jess came and handed Sam his drink, smiling at him.

Sam smiled despite himself. Jess was always the one who would loosen him up when needed, "Yeah, she thought it would be nice to celebrate my LSAT's."

"So here's to Sam and his awesome LSAT victory." Jess rose her glass.

"Alright, alright." Sam protested, "It's not that big a deal."

Jess ignored Sam's humble-ness, "He acts all humble but he scored a 174."

Matt took another drink from his shot, just as Sam and Jess finished theirs, "Mmm," He savored the bitter alcohol, "Is that good?"

"Scary good." Jess told him.

"See there you go," Matt regained some of his poise, "You are first-round draft pick. You can go to any law school you want."

"Actually I got an interview here…Monday." Sam said, "If it goes ok I think I got a shot at a full ride next year." He hoped.

"Hey it's gonna go great." Jess re-assured him.

"It better." Sam answered.

"So, how does it feel to be the golden boy in your family?"

_Like they would care. _Sam thought inside, _Dean's the 'golden boy', following everything Dad says to him. _

Sam didn't care to tell the family. It was better them not knowing so that they could all stick to their 'business.' After all, ignorance is bliss, if you define bliss as continuing to shoot rock salt by the day.

"They don't know." Was Sam's feeble response to mask his bitter relationship with the rest of the Winchester clan.

"Don't know?" Matt was confused, "I would be gloating. Why not?"

Gloating. _Ha. _Sam inwardly remarked sarcastically. Gloating in his family was only acceptable if you had killed some evil flesh-eating monster of legend that you'd been tracking down for days, maybe months, and subjecting yourself to all the elements. Even then, only a "Why couldn't you get it sooner?" would suffice from John Winchester.

"'Cause we're not exactly the Brady's." was Sam's second feeble response of the night.

"And we're not exactly the Huxtables." Matt shot back, "More shots?"

Sam and Jess protested as Matt left the table, but he kept on going.

Jess turned to Sam, "Seriously, I'm proud of you and you're gonna knock 'em dead on Monday and you're gonna get that full ride. I know it."

Sam looked at her, "What would I do without you?"

Jess pretended to think, "Crash and burn."

Sam smiled at her, thinking he had found all he needed in the world and gave her a kiss.

That night, both of them had stumbled into the apartment slightly tipsy, but having enough motor control to get to bed. The night had been good, some drinking, talking, and Jess had even coaxed one slow dance out of Sam.

Now Jess was asleep next to Sam, where Sam was sure he would want to find her every night, and Sam lay half- awake, staring at the ceiling.

Should he have told his family about getting into Stanford Law? Part of him said no…the announcement of his admission into the university itself resulted into quite the reaction from his father. And when he left the family, Sam was as free as a bird and happier still.

Then the second part of him, the pure Winchester itching to get out each day, said yes. His family had probably changed in the past few years. Dean would definitely welcome the fact that he succeeded, but has a hidden remorse that his brother would continue in school. His dad, well, there was no telling on how he would take it. Still, this pure Winchester part of him pointed out, they deserved to know how he was. He was sure they thought about once in a while, even through all the hunting.

Was he happy like this? The pure Winchester part of him didn't cease to say. He had left the house, gone to school, had an almost-normal life, but his past would probably always haunt him. He hadn't even told Jess about what he would do as a teenager as in, instead of football games, tracking vengeful spirits was the main activity of the night.

With a sleepy mind, Sam concluded that he wasn't completely elated that he had left his past, and his family, behind but he was well on his way- starting with his admissions interview that Monday.

He slowly fell into a fitful sleep when a crash from the other room woke him up.

End.


End file.
